SHE COULD NOT GO UNNOTICED.

the woman i relate to most in the Bible
is nameless.
her story, sandwiched in between the story of a man with a name (Jarius),
is a replica of the exodus i cannot escape.
all i really know about her is
1. her loss of blood, her disease, defined her.
2. healing was dead.
3. hope was not.
4. touch, and faith in touch, resurrected healing and rewarded hope.
i normally write about,
i normally indulge in,
1. and 2.
this is not about 1. and 2.
this is about 3. and 4.
my greatest fear is that
I'll weave corrosion and silence into addiction
instead of the strands of hope and self-forgiveness
that are mine in Christ.
my greatest fear is that
I'll live another decade without freedom,
but also that I'll live a decade with freedom.
i do not want to cohabitate with blades and tweezers and
i do not want to waste another moment
destroying the person God made me to be.
i do not want to justify self-manipulation
anymore.

i want the conclusion of her story to resonate in my being
even more than the beginning or the middle.
Luke Eight : Forty-Seven.
"SHE COULD NOT GO UNNOTICED."
i want to be noticed.
not for what i have done to myself but for
what i have relinquished for others.
not for the blood i compulsively had to spill for my redemption
but for the redemption i chose to accept as sufficient
because of His blood.
i want to be used by God
more than i want to use these weapons.
i want to be noticed for 3. and 4.
i want to want to be noticed only by

You.