goodbye > GOODBYE.

i've bent in plastic floor fans with my foot,
slammed Jack Daniels into the sink,
wept in her arms because she knew that helped me to

b-r-e-a-t-h-e again.

sat anesthetized as the nurse's faint touch on my wrist preceded
"you won't do this to yourself again, now will you?"
all the while, my chest steeling itself, knowing only:

l e f t b e h i n d, again.

having the door shut in my face
has always felt holocaustic to me.
turns out, leaving behind isn't all that easy either.
coping with infidelity, assumed, intentional, innocent, or accidental,
is one of my greatest weaknesses.
but God. Is. Changing. Me.
i'm learning when it comes to GOODBYE,
'terminal' and 'traumatic' are not
absolutelynecessaryabsolutelynonnegotiable affixed adjectives.
and though I cry when my 'other' brother leaves-
the one who lives in my heart but not in my memory-
i remember his words,
family is forever. i will always fight for you. i will always love you.

i will see you, again.