today, tears drown saline
which is saying a lot in 90 degree, Michigan weather
where i could be baptized in my own sweat
i've come to realize somewhere, sometime,
i need to do more than mourn,
need to dirty these knees,
break the soil, fertile with opportunity
but today i have murdered, mutilated, buried
the serenity prayer
accept the unchangeable, change the unacceptable,
never vice versa
is as foreign an axiom as the language
and people i'm to embrace
today her fingers dent my shoulder,
imprinting her memory into my blades, heaving
with irresolution
mom, i cry! soundlessly, wordlessly, feverishly
i don't want to know you as memory!
hold onto jesus, the words are
sobbing from her, crescendoing into my eardrums.
i tell her i know. i don't tell her i'm
still holding onto her.
because she is mother, broken mother, weighted with
expectations and more love than i usually acknowledge.
and in dislocated chaos, i'm still
still loving her.
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