healing.

 My body heaved tonight for you.  I cried as hard for you as I did in the beginning.  “I miss your companionship!  I miss you!”  I said it to the empty house and I said it so my heart would empty itself of any malice I might have.  I imagined you, whole and happy; free, working ‘til dusk because its dividends were energy and peace—your work fulfilled you again, the way it did in Africa.  You were created for that job, like I was created for mine.  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”  I cried.  “I wish you all the wholeness and happiness I couldn’t give you.”  My counselor always tells me to wish this for you and so I do, I force myself to do this, ever time my mind wanders past health.  I know I do this as much for me, as for you.  I do this to move through these days so they become months.

I know I will never love another woman the way I loved you.  That’s both soul-wretching and soul-enriching.  I know the wind will carry us both when I pass, because you will always be here with me.  You will always be a part of my heart.